For years, if I could carry something, I assumed I should. I’m learning to ask a different question. What do I actually want? That exploration became a book. REBEL is where we get to practice it.
I got used to being the one who handled things. I'd say yes before checking whether I meant it. I'd choose what worked for everyone else and leave my own preference out of it entirely.
Then I started noticing what I wanted. An afternoon with no plans. A class I kept looking at and never signed up for. A conversation where I actually said what I thought. My inner rebel got a say the moment I gave those wants some room.
Pull out the idea you scribbled down and forgot about. Ask the woman you enjoyed talking with to meet again. Put on the song that makes you want to dance and dance.
I used to spend so long deciding whether something was sensible, useful or likely to work that I never got around to finding out. Give a hunch an afternoon. Try the thing while you are still a beginner. Leave a little room to surprise yourself.
Rebel with me.
The book puts words to experiences we can spend years living without naming. REBEL brings that noticing into what we do next.
The book
How to Hear Yourself Again After Years of Pushing Through
For anyone who has become very good at carrying on, this book explores what happens when you start including your own needs, preferences and curiosity in your life.
The practice
REBEL comes from the writing and the experiences behind it. It is a way to practice in ordinary life: notice what matters, stay with it, say what you mean and see what changes when you act on it.
Explore REBELThese five movements are places to return to. You'll recognize several in one conversation, or come back to just one for months. There's no finish line.
R
Notice what keeps catching your attention.
E
Notice what happens in your body before you explain it away.
B
Stay connected without disappearing.
E
Say what you mean, and ask for what you want.
L
Go after something without asking permission first.
Belonging is at the center: staying yourself, in your own life and with the people in it.
Explore REBELThe next time someone asks something of you and the stakes are low, wait before answering. Notice what happens in that pause, before you start explaining what you should want.
Then answer.
You are getting familiar with how your own yes and no show up. You can notice them even when you choose to put someone else first.
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Explore RetreatsAbout
I became a mother at fifteen. By the time I was working alongside founders and CEOs, I already knew how to read a room, figure things out and take responsibility. For more than two decades, I made a career of anticipating what other people needed. Asking what I wanted took longer.
I began noticing how often I pushed past my own feelings, how quickly I stepped in to help and how much of my life revolved around being useful. Learning to listen to myself changed what I was willing to keep doing. It also opened up room for things I wanted: writing, bringing women together and following an interest without needing to know exactly where it would lead.
My book and REBEL With Me grew from those changes. What I write about, I am practicing too: saying what I mean, letting people support me and making room for pleasure while there are still things on the list.
You can read, try a practice or put a few thoughts into words. Follow what interests you today.